Ephemeral

Within under twelve hours, the key to my future begins. Well, that's what the majority of the world would say. I'd like to think that it wasn't. I'd like to think that it's just a beginning to a path that I'm going to take, and that no matter how I take my first step, it's going to be a damn worthwhile road anyways. Everything seems like a bonus when you come to terms with really knowing death, and really knowing failure.

I don't like it when people try to tell me how I should act. I respect your wisdom and I respect your experiences, but they differ to mine. The whole beauty of life is that I get to unravel it slowly by myself, one day at a time, and when I encounter an experience remotely similar to yours, I'll let you know how my actions fared. The world has to understand that I'm always going to be confused. That is the only single thing in my life that isn't ephemeral. We try so hard to plan everything, try to be ready for every little thing that's going to come our way, and when you think you succeed at that, but you're still unhappy, it shows something isn't right. There's a road of gold ahead of you, a pathway that loiters with surprises. There are situations that you would not in a million years be able to foresee, and you shouldn't be afraid of it, because that is the beauty of life. I know when people say 'beauty of life' this and 'beauty of life' that, it seems like a load of bullshit that is nothing but truism, but to be honest, the element of surprise is where everything is. Mystery is what engendered everything in life...the very philanthropic religions we live by came from the very idea of mystery and surprise, and eventually, the pursuit of it. All I want to say is, stop trying to be in control. Let the small fragments of your life come together bit by bit, and in the meantime, be happy you're still alive to witness it all.

I thought to myself a little bit, and the answer to this, I still haven't been able to quite grasp. Maybe you could help? Is it better to continue fighting the current, even when that water is what helps keep you alive? Or should you just let the current take you along, even though you are dissatisfied? Or maybe, should you swim with the current on the surface, but underneath it, slowly dig your way against it, even if the hole you make takes all the water away?

Ignore the world. Ignore the ignorance. Pick your road, and keep moving.

Don't look for the answers somewhere else...they're on your road...you'll see them right where you are along the way.

On a final note...for those whose supposed futures also lie in the early hours of the morrow, I wish you luck. If you somehow feel like you're going to fail, remember this Kerouac quote. He is a true genius.

“...colleges being nothing but grooming schools for the middleclass non-identity which usually finds its perfect expression on the outskirts of the campus in rows of well-to-do houses with lawns and television sets is each living room with everybody looking at the same thing and thinking the same thing at the same time while the Japhies of the world go prowling in the wilderness...”