A slow disintegration...

I don't know why you're reading this. I don't know why anybody does...well, to be true, no one really does anyways. I think this is my first post during the daytime...but whatever the time and day, whatever the weather, whatever the setting, it doesn't really matter...there's always something there that sparks a train of imagination. Writing this felt apt anyways, because when I think to myself what was in store for me in the direction that I never took, I'm in a period of my life where I still feel like I have the time to run right back and take a few steps in that direction too, just to get a glimpse of what I missed out on. Those are the kinda paths you want to be able to take again. Not a lot of people get to say that.

When you're feeling ill sometimes, you don't think straight. You tell yourself, "I'm never doing [insert something] ever again, look, I'm sick again!" When I'm ill, and maybe this is completely dramatized...I tend to feel like my life is just getting pushed one step further towards my untimely death, that I've just opened a door towards a dying direction, but that I only took the first few steps, and then I regained my sanity and my health and turned right back. These are the kinda paths you don't want to be taking every so often. But eventually someday, hopefully later than sooner, I'll be revisiting this old road, and maybe one day I won't be so fortunate as to be able to walk back.

Our lives are defined by the opportunities we take, and the opportunities we don't. Where we ultimately end up...the road that we ultimately travel upon...it's molded from the doors we open and the doors we turn our backs on. For every other person, there's a different secret to life, a different elixir that makes people feel like their lives are worth living - now that's optimism. I personally believe that before all that can happen, you have to come to terms with understanding something...that the world's just a lot of dust and crap meddled together, and that in the end, it all means nothing. And that's a slice of cynicism for you. No, maybe not cynicism. It's just, a 'core' understanding of what we're surrounded by. How do you so much call this an existence when we don't even have the time to enjoy personal pleasures. That every second wasted cost you something. Won't people ever come to understand that that second wasn't 'wasted'? But maybe that's what the problem is...look around you, everyone thinks they have a purpose. But you have to stop existing...and really start living. Don't listen to me. In fact, don't even take a word I write as anything important, and as anything that can help you in your life. Find it yourself. Write your own.

On a final note...love those around you. Your parents - it's never too late to re-take a path and mend a relationship with them, or just to simply appreciate their company. After all, it was them who brought you in to this world, like it or not. There'll come a time when they take that not-so-friendly road mentioned earlier...the least you could do is be with them before that door opens...and when it does, stand by them for it too.

And again, another reminder to enjoy the good and simple things in life. Sit in the sun and read. Lose yourself in the pages, and stop trying to search for an answer...life comes instruction free.

"No man should go through life without once experiencing healthy, even bored solitude in the wilderness, finding himself depending solely on himself and thereby learning his true and hidden strength."

Until next time...adieu.